I Wish I Had More Control With Food

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Understanding the Obsession With Control and Binge Eating

Let me say this loud and clear:
Western culture is obsessed with control.

We glorify the “controlled person” and label them as:

  • Disciplined
  • Goal-driven
  • Ambitious
  • Deserving
  • Lovable
  • Admirable

So it makes sense that the moment we feel out of control—especially with food—it triggers panic, shame, and desperation. Lets debunk this narrative and dig into why you’re need for control is actually controlling YOU!

What Binge Eating Looked Like for Me

If you’ve ever experienced a binge (raises hand), you are far from alone.
Here is what binge eating looked like in my own life:

  • Waking up every morning with a strict plan for what I would eat
  • Avoiding “trigger foods” like they were dangerous
  • Eating entire pizzas, soda, and breadsticks by myself
  • Feeling fiercely protective over food during family meals
  • Mentally mapping out everyone’s portions and racing to get “enough”
  • Feeling distressed when others didn’t finish the portions I assigned them
  • Never feeling full—stopping only out of sheer force, not satisfaction

And here’s the part nobody wants to hear:

👉 The harder you try to control food, the more out of control you actually become.

Restriction doesn’t create control.
Restriction creates binge eating.

Why Controlling Food Completely Backfires

Because I felt like I “couldn’t control myself,” I invented a new rule:
Leave the last bite of food on the plate.

“Ah-ha! I win!”
(Or so I believed.)

After nearly 20 years of doing this—without even realizing it—a boyfriend pointed it out. That’s when I understood:

Leaving one bite wasn’t control.
It was fear disguised as discipline.

Control is sneaky like that.

The Truth About Control

One of my favorite reminders to tell my patients is:f

“Relax. Nothing is under control.”

Real control isn’t about rigid rules, food policing, or avoiding hunger.
Real control is adaptability—responding to your body and environment rather than fighting them.

When the old desire to control food resurfaces, I remind myself:

“Shena, if you restrict before you’re physically and emotionally satisfied, you’re going straight back into the binge–restrict cycle.”

And honestly?
Binge eating still scares me.
It scares me enough that—even on my hardest days—I nourish myself to avoid falling back into that cycle.

Here’s what happens every time:

When I continue to eat—even when it feels terrifying—my body eventually says,
“You’re good. We’re done.”

No drama.
No chaos.
Just satisfaction—the thing restriction never gave me.

Shena Jaramillo. Registered Dietitian
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