The Fattest Person in the Room

/ Fuck Food Rules / By

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The Origin of Body Hierarchies

When was the moment you learned that some bodies were valued more than others?
Think back:

  • Where were you?
  • How old were you?
  • What message was given to you—directly or indirectly?

In Western culture, being “fat” is one of the most deeply feared identities, shaped by decades of weight stigma, media messaging, and harmful diet narratives.

I have heard too many times the harmful narrative “I don’t need to be super skinnny, I just don’t want to be the fattest person in the room.”

Reclaiming the Word “Fat”

In my practice, I intentionally use the word fat as a descriptive term—nothing more, nothing less.
No morality.
No hierarchy.
No superiority.

Now I challenge you:

How do you feel when you hear the word “fat”?
Is your reaction the same as when you hear words like freckled, brunette, tall, muscular, white, or Black?

If not, pause and consider:

Who created the standards you’re using to judge bodies—yours and everyone else’s?
Why are those standards allowed to dictate your worth?

Why This Rule (and Diet Culture) Fails You

Let’s break down what’s actually happening when you enter a room worried about being “the fattest person there.”

1. You’re assigning your self-worth based on other people’s bodies.

Your insecurities about someone taking up more or less physical space than you has nothing to do with them.

It has everything to do with your own experiences and fears.

So flip the lens:
What are you struggling with emotionally that makes their body feel threatening?

2. You already know diets fail—yet you still blame yourself.

At some point, everyone realizes:

  • Diets fail.
  • Diets suck.
  • Diets don’t work.
  • Biology is smarter than any “quick fix” you saw in a magazine.

And yet, when you’re around people steeped in diet culture, you internalize the failure.
You start telling yourself:

  • “I’m undisciplined.”
  • “I’m gluttonous.”
  • “I’m lazy.”
  • “I’m fat, so I’m unlovable.”

Diet culture then nudges you into comparing yourself to others as a way to feel “acceptable”:

  • “If they’re more undisciplined, then I’m okay.”
  • “At least I’m not as gluttonous as them.”
  • “Their body is worse, so maybe I deserve love.”
  • “People won’t notice my size if they notice theirs.”

AHHHH. Exactly.
Do you see it?

It Was Never About Them—It Was Always About You

Every judgment you thought you were making about them was actually a reflection of your own fear, shame, and internalized body rules.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard:

“Nobody cares that much about you. They’re all too busy thinking about themselves.”

It’s true.
No matter the size of the person next to you, it will never determine how you feel inside.

Your Worth Has Never Been Measured in Pounds

So here’s your reminder:

✨ Show up in the room exactly as you are.
✨ Take up the space your body naturally takes up.
✨ Your worth is not tied to your size.
✨ Nobody is thinking about you more than you are.

You deserve to exist freely, fully, and without apology.

Shena Jaramillo. Registered Dietitian
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