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Last updated on February 19th, 2024 at 10:16 pm
“I hate my body.” This is pervasive and toxic terminology that stems from the depths of diet culture.
The interesting thing is we see people making this claim:
- At both the lowest and highest weights and everything in between
- Across all genders
- Within and across all races and ethnicities
- Within a wide range of body types and defining features
The common denominator here is not the body. It’s social ideas that tells you your body is faulty.
Let’s learn to recognize the contributions of body loathing, how to practice body neutrality, and ways to cope with body dissatisfaction.
What Does It Mean When You Hate Your Body
Body hatred could mean:
- Anxiety around certain body parts
- Wishing you could shrink your body size
- Disliking the color of your skin
- Gender dysphoria
- Wishing the body was larger
If you hate your body, you could be experiencing body dysmorphia. People with body dysmorphia tend to fixate on areas of the body they find problematic in a way that significantly impacts their quality of life.
Why I Hate The Way I Look
Your discomfort with your body has nothing to do with actual errors or flaws in your body. Society advertises success and happiness as being reserved for ONLY the people living in the smallest, most fit bodies.
Common reasons you may dislike your body include:
- Dieting
- Thin privilege
- Fatphobia
- Body and food shamers
- Media messages
- Fear of weight gain
- Constantly feeling fat
- Racist and classist BMI standards
The pressures from society to lose weight, bulk up, or change your body shape are at an all time high.
The pressure to lose weight is so strong in Western culture that health gurus have even tried to make intuitive eating into a weight loss plan. While hating your body or the way you look is all to common in our culture, preoccupation with your body can be a sign of a bigger problem.
Hating the way you look can be a warning sign of an eating disorder. If this is the case, a skilled therapist and eating disorder dietitian will be needed to support you.
Fuel For Body Hate
We live in a patriarchal, capitalist society. We live in a society that constantly bombards us with messages that our bodies are flawed in order to keep us feeding our energy and money into the system.
Do you ever wonder how many billions of dollars are spent trying to “fix” the natural existence of the human body? A LOT!
According to standards, the ideal body type is:
- Male
- White
- Thin
- Cis-gendered
- Able-bodied
Anyone that doesn’t fit the criteria above is often labeled as “missing the mark.” A problem to be corrected. This is why you see such high beauty standards for women, who are rarely accepted in their most natural form.
The closer you see people get to meet some or all of the standards outlined above, the more unearned privilege you will likely see them receive.
It’s important to know that meeting society’s standards of beauty will NOT help you stop hating your body. External validation is constantly fluctuating and changing, and thus even obtaining desirable body standards will at best provide only temporary relief from body hatred.
Body Changes That Won’t Improve Body Image
If you hate your body, learning to make peace with your body will involve challenging your negative self talk.
Things that will not help you love your body include:
- Losing Weight
- Getting cosmetic surgery
- Removing your “problem” areas
- Covering up your “flaws”
The reality is that there will ALWAYS be people that thing negative things about your body. The negative messages from others are what lead to body hatred. However, correcting the “flaw” won’t improve your body image.
Correcting your perceived flaws cannot improve body image because if you are relying on external validation to define your worth, society will ALWAYS find a new flaw.
Reasons I Hate My Body
Most of the reasons you hate your body have nothing to do with your body. Here are some of the real thoughts, emotions, or energy that you might feel when you experience body dissatisfaction.
- I’m afraid if I’m fat no one will like me
- I am unlovable if I am not a certain weight
- If I’m fat I’m unhealthy. Unhealthy people don’t care about their bodies. I’m afraid of being unhealthy.
- I don’t have a thigh gap. People are less attracted to those without a thigh gap and my partner would like me better if I had one.
- I am gross if my belly hangs over my pants. It makes me feel unworthy and unlovable to be gross.
Challenging Negative Body Talk
When you start to go down the “body hatred” road, ask yourself these questions instead
- Do I have actual evidence everyone around me is making these judgments?
- Even if I had evidence that people around me thought these things, are their thoughts facts?
- Why is it my responsibility to meet a beauty standard?
- What does trying to meet society’s body standards take away from me?
What To Do When You Hate Your Body
It can be helpful to have affirmations on hand for bad body days. Keep body positive affirmations in planners, journals, or on mirrors as a constant reminder of your self-worth.
- It is not my job to change my body to make people like it.
- Whether or not someone likes my body does NOT add or take away any value from me or my body
- If someone dislikes my body, it is more of a reflection of their insecurities than my body.
- People who trust their bodies do not go around with negative judgments about other people’s bodies. This is their issue not mine or my body’s issue.
- I do not mirror the feelings other people have about my body as my own
- My body is not a topic for discussion
- Who is profiting off my fears and insecurities
- Bodies will change but worth won’t
- I need to be myself
- I am perfect, whole, and complete
- I love you, I trust you, and I believe in you
- It’s not my obligation to be beautiful
- My body WILL NOT please everyone. There will always be people that like and dislike My body. This is true no matter what size, shape, or color my body is.
How To Stop Hating My Body
Try these things to help you form a positive relationship with your body:
- Make time to thank your body
- Practice intuitive eating and honor all types of hunger
- Practice joyful movement
- Journal using body-positive journal prompts
- Refer to your body as she, him, or them instead of “it.”
- Commit to taking up 1% more space in your life each day
- Practice Body neutrality
- Respecting your body
- Stop body checking
- Acknowledging likes and dislikes of your body without emotional attachment
- Thanking your body when it comes through for you
- Making a conscious choice to “put aside” body dislikes to be present at the good moments in your life
It’s so important to realize that truly loving your body will mean you don’t always like it. This is because our bodies can and will change throughout the course of our lives. This will require re-acquainting ourselves with our bodies over and over again and creating a new relationship.
You can think of your relationship with your body like a relationship with a romantic partner. You will not always LOVE everything about your partner. Your partner will grow and change as they experience new life situations. The relationship will be required to change to adapt to your evolving partner.
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