Grieving the Thin Ideal

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Last updated on December 15th, 2023 at 05:08 am

Grieving the thin ideal involves disconnecting from the identity that goes along with the pursuit of a thin body.  

Grieving the thin ideal involves: 

  • Discovering your self-worth outside of body size 
  • Disconnecting with other people’s desires for your body to be thin
  • Understanding your worth is not determined by body size
  • Separating body weight and health 

Thin privilege offers many unearned advantages for those with thin bodies or even those seeking to shrink their bodies.  Letting go of the thin ideal will require you to acknowledge that your body may never be in its thinnest possible state. 

This article will explore why the thin ideal is harmful to you and everyone around you, and how to acknowledge and let go of difficult emotions that come up when you release the pursuit of thinness from your life. 

infographic on grieving the thin ideal with rainbow colors

What Is The Thin Ideal 

The thin ideal is the idea that everybody should be as thin and toned as possible at all times. 

The thin ideal says: 

  • Thin bodies are better bodies
  • Thin bodies are healthier bodies
  • People with thin bodies are more disciplined
  • People with thin bodies deserve access to more public spaces (airplane seats, restaurants)
  • People living in thin bodies care about themselves more than people living in fat bodies

Some people pursuing the thin ideal may actively seek out social circles to affirm these pre-existing beliefs. This might include staying engaged in thinspirational content, or having a social media feed filled with weight loss promotions or body-bulking narratives. 

Why Is Thinness Attractive

Many of the beliefs that we have about thin bodies being more attractive don’t belong to us. They were passed down from our families, and their families before them. 

This is the diabolical genius of diet culture designed to keep us invested in putting effort and energy into remedies that promise to shrink our bodies and help us meet beauty standards. 

You might perceive a thin body as attractive because: 

  • These bodies are the most abundant in media 
  • Nearly all beauty products highlight thinness
  • Healthcare puts pressure on people to shrink their bodies 
  • Foods are labeled as good or bad depending on their ability to shrink the body
  • Weight loss is frequently discussed in social circles

Western culture leads us to believe if we aren’t constantly trying to shrink, tone, or bulk our bodies are unworthy. This often leads us into chronic dieting that constantly challenges our body image.

This makes it difficult to see bodies that are not thin as being equally valuable and leads us to constantly chase the thin ideal and the social status that goes along with this pursuit. 

What Are The Effects of The Thin Ideal

The thin ideal is harmful to everyone. It is rooted in fatphobia and causes us to question our own self-worth and the worthiness of others based on body size. 

The effects of the thin ideal include: 

It is often very difficult to enjoy food if you are in constant pursuit of thinness. The pursuit of thinness can impact your social relationships, your self-esteem, and your overall health and well-being. 

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Examples of The Thin Ideal 

Some examples of the thin ideal include: 

Letting Go of The Thin Ideal

To let go of the thin ideal, we need to first understand that the desire to shrink our body can serve as a coping tool for difficult emotions.  

For example, if you are constantly feeling fat, you might perceive that all you need to do is shrink your body to increase your worthiness.

Diet culture has led us to believe that “there’s a thin body living in all of us.” If we subscribe to this idea, then this means that: 

  1. It is within our control to shrink our body
  2. We need to “release” the thin body hiding inside of us
  3. We will achieve the privilege that comes with thin bodies once we muster the discipline to shrink our body

Letting go of the thin ideal means we have to come to terms with the fact that not only is a thin body not attainable for everyone but also that shrinking our bodies is unlikely to improve our quality of life.  

Risks of the thin ideal

Grieving The Thin Ideal 

When you grieve the thin ideal, you accept that difficult emotions and lack of positive body image will not be resolved by making your body smaller.  

Grieving the thin ideal means that: 

  • You are at peace and confident with the fact you don’t look like models in the media
  • Your body may never shrink and it is just as worthy as any other body
  • You see an “unflattering” photo of yourself and it’s okay
  • You understand your body is a tool, not an ornament 
  • You know that shrinking your body won’t make you happier
  • You understand you must develop tools for managing stress that does not involve attempts to shrink the body
  • You seek clothing that fits you, not strive to find clothing you fit

There are so many external reinforcers for pursuing thinness.  Grieving the thin ideal involves understanding that you are worthy just as you are.  

Grieving the thin ideal involves disconnecting from the expectations of others and seeking happiness and fulfillment in the body that you’re in. 

Grieving the thin ideal celebrates your non-scale victories, Your talents, and your passions outside of your body weight, shape, and size. 

 
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Shena Jaramillo. Registered Dietitian
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